Letter to Jennifer Dec 2021 / Barb in Cape Girardeau

When Barb was in Terre Haute I visited her twice, but it makes no sense to me now since she told me another guy was responsible for the pregnancy. For some reason we were still 'together,' until I found another girlfriend shortly before you were born.
Barb and I used to write each other I remember, but don't know what we spoke about.
That ended with my new girlfriend, and then there was some disturbance after my roommate read the letters from Barb and told the new girlfriend ... but it blew over, and after that I heard the baby was a girl.

Since meeting you, I have not stopped wondering what I would have done ... or felt ... if I'd known the baby was mine. It's kinda agonizing playing it over in my head, but a relief to know you had such good parents.
Still, the 'what ifs' keep reminding me how lucky I am today to finally know you ... or how we would've managed under a same roof lol.

The following summer after your birthday, one of Barb's friends told me she was in the theatre department at the college in Cape Girardeau. Barb had a lot of girlfriends and they were loyal friends as I recall.
I hitchhiked to see her and arrived late afternoon.
I walked into the theater department and by absolute coincidence, she was right there.
My arrival shocked her and she told me to wait outside.
Out in the parking lot was a guy in a hot rod car. A moment later a girl ran out and spoke to him.
He squealed his tires and took off.
10-20 minutes later Barb finally came out and said she couldn't talk.
I had almost turned around and left before she came out.
After that, the hot rod came back up the street and Barb and another girl got in and they drove away.
I started walking along the sidewalk headed back out to the highway.
A few minutes later the hot rod came back, and Barb got out and said we could talk for a few minutes.
I was just there to see that she was okay.
We sat in a soda fountain and spoke for 5-10 minutes.
She said, the new boyfriend 'knows everything except ...' implying he did not know about you.
Then the hot rod came back.
This time, they invited me to sit in the back seat and dropped me off at the highway.
The hitchhike back toward home left me in Effingham, Illinois at dark where I slept in a pile of cut grass out in the median of highway I70 at I57.
The next morning, I walked across to the red ball 76 truck stop and asked for a shower pass.
The guy said no, saying it was for truckers only, but took mercy, and I paid 10 cents for a shower before catching a ride over to Indianapolis then another down to Bloomington.

My absolute impression at the time was that Barb would end up marrying the hot rod guy.
Likewise, I suspected he was a local fellow and that they would not live far from there.
Of course, I have no idea what his name was. I wish I'd asked, but the situation had tension.
If the guy was not informed of the baby back then, it would be so difficult to tell him now, and tell her family and friends.
I've used my ESP to try and tell Barb what a fine person her daughter is, hoping it would help relieve Barb's fears... but to no avail so far.

Jennifer's response
That is very interesting that you visited Barb in Terre Haute.  My baby book includes notes from the adoption agency who made reference that the father had visited my mother a few times while she was at the mother’s home… So you’ve been in my life for a long time without even knowing it.  It makes me wonder if Barb lied to you about you not being the father just so she didn’t feel forced to get married (parental expectations if nothing else).  Makes me wonder if there really was not someone else but that she didn’t know what else to do so she just flat out lied.  I feel like that explanation makes the most sense and lines up with what you told me about her having goals and plans… But maybe I’m wrong!

The woulda, coulda, shoulda game…  I know it well.  I would like to remind you that my entire goal of meeting my birth parents was to thank them. You should absolutely not beat yourself up because I have amazing parents who have loved and supported me in ways even I probably have not realized.  I just want you to know how blessed I feel to have found you.  Guess we should both send thank you cards to Andi for taking that DNA test!  And you are right in saying “how we would’ve managed under the same roof.”  I think we are both very strong personalities and that would have made for some serious fireworks!  LOL!

I think it would be very hard for Barb to tell anyone that she dated about having a baby.  Although I would think if I were in her shoes I would definitely have to tell my husband-to-be before I married him even if we both agreed that we would never talk about it again.  That is probably a time in her life that she doesn’t want to think about.  She was pregnant at a time when it was really not ok to be an unwed mother…  The stigma that would have gone along with it, the hurt and alienation from your family, the public perception…  I have often thought about how hard that must have been for her which may be why I am very understanding about why she might not want to be found…  I don’t want me findings her to cause problems for either of you.  Not my mission to cause pain.

I am sure that the tension during that visit was because you have your ex-boyfriend and your new boyfriend in the same place at the same time…  that is a little awkward.  LOL!  But the details that you remember about that visit are interesting… I love hearing your stories!  And not just about seeing my Barb but any of them.  You should have been a writer too.

Oh! Another thing you and my dad have in common!  Your ESP!  HA!  I’ll be having a bad day and my dad will call and just say I was on his mind and he couldn’t figure out why so he called!  He does that kind of stuff all the time.  Take it serious because it works.  Barb knows and thanks for telling her! 😊

OK now I just teared up because Holly said yes!  😊  And I agree with your assessment of Holly.  Not everyone would have been so open and welcoming to a stranger that says she is your daughter. I couldn’t ask for better!  How interesting it is to have two loving dads and two wonderful moms.  Seriously, how blessed am I?  Ok now I am crying in earnest so I’m cutting this off before someone walks in my office and sees me!!