There are two sides to me...
The one side that would tear the world apart, and feel no remorse. The fearless one.
And then the meek and fearful side that has his heart torn out every day by the weaknesses and personal failures in life.
It's hard to rectify living under two different bell curves, knowing how far apart they skew from each other.
I see the supposed normalcy of other people's lives, and fall into envy and depression.
It didn't used to be that way.
I never saw it before getting old.
But I never saw the needs of disabled people until disability invaded my life.
All these other people that I envy ... they have friends.
I have few, if any.
Most of them have family. Some with family that actually care about them.
I don't.
I have my wife...
... and otherwise stand totally alone in the world, at the edge of eternity with absolutely nothing in front of me...
... except the total aloneness that would engulf my heart and kill me within days if my wife passed away.
So if this is true, how can the fearless one be genuinely fearless and without remorse?
Or was I just careless in life?