Off the seat of a bicycle
Chapter 12)            Dr Gray settles the score
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How can I explain the difference between how I saw myself and how others must have viewed me? Clearly at the time I saw my deviant behavior as youthful exploring. I thought everyone had the same experiences being chased by the police. I thought we were doing it for fun and exercise. It made me strong and street-wise.

But nothing gained me the respectability and liking I so dearly sought. In fact I never understood my real life wants, and if I had, wouldn’t I have used my charm and work-ethic to become a person of magnitude? Or maybe I was becoming a person of magnitude.

The bike set-up culminated a few days later when Dr Gray stopped the cross-country bus as we were leaving for a competition. I joined the team because my brother ran track and cross country, and my parents wanted me to ‘join something,’ but I was a mediocre C+ runner … at least when the police weren’t in hot pursuit … still the coach said I had ‘better potential than my brother if I worked at it.’

I never wanted to outshine my older brother. He had a fragile ego too, and besides, I was a hanger-on socially, and could never be the leader my older brother saw himself as. He was my father’s favorite. He was the one who did it right, who never got yelled at or hit. Even after he and his friends got caught joy-riding in stolen cars it was a non-issue in our family. He wasn’t the malevolent-type like me was he?

During the track awards ceremony at the end of the season, the ‘best runner’ was given to another guy and not my older brother. Oh lord it was embarrassing. My Mom and I and younger brother were there, and just as the announcer was ready to say the winner’s name, my brother started to stand up, and then WHAMBO, a kick in the gut and somebody else got named. I think the award was given based on who the team members elected.

My brother was upset since he was the best runner with the most points and ribbons, but in the end, his mates liked someone else more. So you see why I could never become ‘better than my brother’ at running … not that I wanted to anyway.

Dr Gray stopped the bus and had the coach call me off.

That’s when he told me I was off the team and he did it in front of the entire team so I would feel the social sting, but honestly I didn’t see it and frankly I didn’t care. I just didn’t care. I got my stuff and started walking up the hill toward home.

At the crest of the hill I looked back and sure enough the coach and director were looking at me; the socializers were saying bad things and I could feel an intense dislike coming from Dr Grey. The police were behind the whole thing.

Chapter 13) Happy birthday, I threw away your dog
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